We've all been there are some point, you’re trying to have a conversation with somebody and it just feels clunky. Every sentence is an effort and your running through conversation topics in your mind just trying to find something to talk about. Then you finally bring something up and the other person shoots it down with a quick answer.
Occasionally, you might just not get along with the other person and they might not like your personality. But more commonly the way that you’re conversing and the topics that you’re discussing don’t leave any room for you to find common ground that you can both work from.
There’s the age-old advice that you should always try to find a girl in a place that you like to be. So, if you love to read then you should find a girl in the library because you know that she also likes to read and that gives you common ground. Unfortunately, life isn’t always that simple and with the growth of online dating that’s been thrown out of the window. This can mean that more dates are being had where you have little known common ground and that’s why it’s more important than ever to learn how to keep a conversation going on a date.
Don’t be silent
Easier said than done, right? But that doesn’t make it any less true. Our minds are very good at detecting silence and picking up on other peoples emotions and the second the silence lasts even a split-moment too long, our brains notice it and they make us feel awkward.
The key to never letting a conversation spiral downwards is to never stop talking.. unless you’re eating, of course! We’ll go on next to show you some ways that you can do this, but the first thing to recognize is that silence is generally bad and that you should aim to keep the conversation moving at all costs.
One of the main reasons that people to become silent is because they are scared. They are scared of being laughed at , they are scared that the other person won’t want to talk about that or they are scared of making it worse. There’s only so much we can help in one article, but try not to worry too much what the other person thinks about what you’re saying. You’re always going to think things are much worse in your mind than they really are, so, keep the conversation moving and don’t ignore topics.
Give the other person a reaction
I’ve seen countless men have awkward conversations with women and one of the most common mistakes that I see them making is giving no reaction back to the person they are speaking to. Even just nodding your head and adding the occasional “mhmm” is important to letting the other person know that you are engaged with what they are saying.
No-one likes to feel like the other person isn’t listening and so giving them this constant feedback is really important. If you look at really sociable and likable people you’ll often notice that they are super over the top with their nodding and expressions but it makes the other person feel good.
Similarly, when they finish talking about their topic you should make sure that you ask a question or even say “Interesting, tell me more”. At the end of the day, the more they talk the greater the likelihood that you’ll find some common ground. If you say less, the lower the chance you’ll stumble onto a topic that you both have an interest in.
Tell a story
Telling a story is one of the easiest conversation started because it’s something that will take you very little effort and is long enough that you will start to find some common ground. However, a more advanced tip is to tell a story of somebody else.
Guys will often say “I don’t have anything to say”, well, even if that was true, I’m sure that you know somebody who would have something to say. That person could be your father, your best friend or a celebrity that you read a story about.
Telling a story about another person is also very safe because even if the other person doesn’t like the story you can very easily spin it around and agree that that person is an idiot, whereas you can’t do that with yourself so easily.
Last resorts
Sometimes it just doesn't happen. You’re trying your hardest to be engaged with the other person, you’re asking them interesting questions and tell funny stories, but you’re just not getting anything back from them.
At this point you have two options; accept that you’re talking to a dense and boring person or bring out the big (boring) guns.
If you’re hanging in there like a champ then you need to start looking around you. It’s impossible for you not to have some common ground if you are both sat in the same building. Ask them if they’ve ever been to this place, what they think about the decor, what they dislike most on the menu or if they want to get out of there.
Slogging your way through a conversation like this can be exhausting and at the end they leave you feeling punch-drunk and drained of all faith in your ability to hold a conversation. At this point it’s normally best to call it quits and get out of there. Even Mike Tyson lost fights , you need to gather up what energy you have left and make a polite exit. Maybe you’ll even give it another go, but that’s all you’ve got for tonight.
